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Joke of the Day

"ER Doc: you know you could have avoided these 3rd degree burns by walking away from the explosion at regular speed Me: did it look cool tho"

"Some lady brought a gaggle of pre-teens to the movie, sat them down next to us & then sat elsewhere. I sold them all on the black market."

"GUYS! You'll never guess what I just did for a Klondike Bar! I took my wallet out of my back pocket and gave the cashier $1.29, plus tax."

"Knock knock. Whose there? Doctor. Doctor who? Oh. You watch that show too?"

"Did you hear about the guy who was sent to prison for poor grammar? His cellmate put his semi in his colon."

"Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane? Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?"

"I came home to find my best friend fucking my girlfriend Bad dog, you know you're not allowed on the furniture."

"I planted a whole garden full of bird seed this year and not one bird came up. I quit."

"What's the difference between eugenics and a charity marathon? The second one is a race for the cure. Source:http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3180"

"A priest, rapist, and pedophile walk into a bar He orders a drink."