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Joke of the Day

"When someone has a baby, I'm just like, OK, clearly you were desperate to have someone to hang out with"

"There is a 88% chance my chalk outline will be holding a piece of cheese."

"I was listening to ""Club Tropicana"" today... ... And it dawned on me. It's been ages since a heard a Wham! song. Come to think of it, it must have been Last Christmas."

"If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!"

"God said unto John... ""John if you come fourth you shall receive eternal life!"" But John came fifth and won a toaster"

"What do you get when you mix triangles with Tumblr? Trigger-Nometry"

"Drinking on Tuesday because I'm consistent."

"How do you piss off a really tall guy? First you gotta climb him"

"What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed? Norigami."

"Gun control sounds like a dangerous but exciting way to change the channel"