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Joke of the Day

"Adding a smiley face after anything makes things seem playful. Examples: You're a slut:) You're ugly:) I killed your puppy:)"

"An app that tells you how Raven something is."

"A family is at the table eating dinner. ""I don't like Grandpa"" said the boy to his Mom. ""That's okay honey, just finish your potatoes instead."" She replied."

"Mickey Mouse divorces Minnie Mouse ""Mickey Mouse, it says here that you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she was.... extremely silly? ""No, I said she was fucking goofy."""

"Why do hipsters always burn their mouth when they eat? BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO EAT BEFORE IT WAS COOL!"

"My sister said she had strange cravings and an enhanced sense of smell so she must be pregnant, but I secretly thought, ""werewolf."""

"My mom was in a horrible car accident on her way to pick up lunch today. It's really bad guys, I need your prayers. I'm so hungry."

"I don't like paying for pizza because I hate making my pizza feel like a whore."

"Him: Let's grill this steak Me: *slams table, screams at steak* WHO SOLD YOU THE DRUGS Him: that's not- Me: Refusing to talk? BIG MISTEAK"

"I grew up thinking my dad was a fireman Then I realised he was just an arsonist"