148440

Joke of the Day

"Mickey Mouse divorces Minnie Mouse ""Mickey Mouse, it says here that you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she was.... extremely silly? ""No, I said she was fucking goofy."""

"Why wasn't there a Captain America movie tie in videogame? Because every time one bug was fixed, 2 more appeared."

"Friends are like boobs, some are big, some are small, some are real and some are fake."

"My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I'm clearing out my desk"

"About to eat at the Cheesecake Factory/commit a hate crime against my butthole."

"My dad dropped his meth pipe. Now he has a crack pipe."

"On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!"

"There are three types of people in the world. Those that understand math and those that don't."

"A donut walks into a gas station... ...and asks for a pack of cigs. The clerk says, ""can I see your ID please?"" Then the donut says, ""Sprinkles"""

"All panties aside, it's Friday."