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Joke of the Day

"Every time I don't clog a toilet I feel like I've gotten away with something"

"most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you"

"Who does Hitler call when his dog is sick? A Veteran Aryan"

"it's very distracting hearing your girlfriend being mauled by a tiger as you try to read ""big cat owners monthly""."

"""I had to keep a straight face."" -my bi friend who's in the closet."

"How do lesbian carpenters work? No studs. All tongue in groove."

"*stands on scanner at self checkout, weighing self after keying in mango code, just to see what net worth is in mangoes"

"Knock Knock Who's there? Ah Ah who? God bless you"

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungie cord? My ass. Ha, haha, haha, ENOUGH."

"I broke up with my boyfriend. He was such a jerk. What a goat! -Don't you mean pig? No. He tried to eat my couch!"