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Joke of the Day

"Wow, you've got a lot of hickeys Kris. Me: Busy weekend *winks *remembers wrestling that octopus at the aquarium for giving me side eye."

"wanna hear a really bad joke Go to r/jokes and go to the new category"

"Women are like condoms... They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick."

"100 Ways to contact me; 1. Call me. 2. Tweet me. 3. Txt me.... 95.Drums and smoke signals 100.Facebook"

"Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle."

"Having your 7 year old son clean the toilet is pretty entertaining. He used Pledge. In other news I just slid off the toilet, into the tub."

"*shoots self in foot* ""Damn i like the metaphor better"""

"Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the ""free candy"" on my van. *crosses off ""candy"" and writes ""wi-fi"""

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a whiz? Because the P is silent!"

"Barkeep. Send a drink over to little ms. thang over there. Tell her it's from me Sir, that's a Ms. Pac-Man machine *raises glass, winks*"