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Joke of the Day

"Every time someone tells you they are a vegan an angel eats a dog."

"WIFE: *motions to me that she's choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them"

"That awkward moment when the garbage goes out more than you."

"I thought VH1 was showing an episode of The Golden Girls, but turns out it was an interview with Steven Tyler, David Bowie & Keith Richards."

"What do you call a deer with one good eye? A good idear..."

"A boy goes to his parents to tell them something ""Mom, Dad. I'm gay."" His father then turns to him and says ""Hi Gay, I'm 100 Dollars Richer!"", while recieving money from the mom."

"{newer version} I like my coffee like I like my slaves Dark, strong & black and locked inside somewhere so it cant leave. They must be cheap to purchase and it cant talk back to me."

"How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, as long as they can find a way in."

"My wife started her job on a cruise ship last week. My mate asked, ""How's she getting on?"" I replied, ""I'm not sure, I think they use a crane."""

"Whats the antonym of Manchester United? WomanBreastsR Divided"