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Joke of the Day

"Tough break for cows. They're filled with delicious meat and covered in leather. How are we supposed to not kill them?"

"On my way to the mall yesterday I passed the Big & Tall Men's clothing store. Outside the store a troop of Girl Scouts were selling cookies. I guess it really is location, location, location..."

"What does a stripper do to her asshole before work? She drops him off at band practice."

"Budweiser is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water."

"All of my suspicions are sneaking around."

"What do you call a gay chemist? Homogeneous."

"There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps."

"me folding laundry: ugh another sock is missing puppet on my hand: how does that keep happening"

"How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard of hearing? HEY! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!"

"Told my wife that joining the Mile High Club is on my bucket list. She said she didn't give a flying fuck."