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Joke of the Day

"Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets."

"Wives are magicians They can turn anything into an argument."

"What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer."

"A paper cut is a tree's last revenge."

"What number is higher than infinity? 420"

"Everyone tells me I hold grudges just like my dad. They say I'm a chip on the old shoulder."

"you know its cold out... when you go outside, and its cold out. (tried this in /r/antijokes , thought the rest of the joke world might appreciate)"

"Got my dad today nope nevermind, he ran away again"

"Can't they show a realistic anti-depressant commercial where the person spends all day on Twitter & they don't own any matching furniture"

"Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away."