221979

Joke of the Day

"Charities - Because nothing shows how far your 2/month could go than a 100 million advertising campaign."

"I just did my budget for August. If I don't buy food ... I won't need toilet paper. I think I'm on to something here."

"optimists don't jack off... ...they jack on"

"How come Barbie never got pregnant? Ken always comes in a different box."

"What is green and has wheels Grass. I lied about the wheels."

"Party host: Anyone here allergic to nuts? Because I like to rest mine on the table."

"""If you were a spy and having drinks at a spy bar, what would you want?"" ""I could tell you, bud, I'd have tequila."""

"Some people go to church on Sunday mornings. I just grabbed snacks and crawled back in bed to watch porn and read tweets."

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life."

"*Crime Scene Cop: (cuffs the dog) Detective: what the hell are you doing? Cop: Sir, I think we're dealing with a shapeshifter"