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Joke of the Day

"I just did my budget for August. If I don't buy food ... I won't need toilet paper. I think I'm on to something here."

"So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE."

"[takes a nap] ok i like the concept [sleeps for a long time] alright alright im diggin it [dies] oh hell yea baby that's the stuff"

"My jewish co-worker told me this one What did the pedophile jew tell the kid? ""wanna buy candy?"""

"Why do husbands typically die before their wives? They want to."

"Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony."

"Why aren't there any mexicans in star trek? They don't work in the future either."

"What's the difference between weed and pussy? If you can smell weed across the room, that means its good."

"Why are you on /r/Jokes? What arrr ya buncha pirates or sumthin? *tssssssss*"

"Get $10 off any drug purchase by using coupon code ""Do you have change?"""