221971

Joke of the Day

"I'm so broke this chrismas... I'm just going to wrap batteries with a note that says ^*s ^ ^"

"The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, ""What's water?"" so she wouldn't feel stupid."

"I swallowed two strings by accident, and when I finally passed them they were miraculously tied together I shit you knot"

"My favorite game with the kids is one where I play dead until they go around to their dad's side of the bed and wake him up."

"Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: They've been having turkey for years."

"Bud light is like having sex in a canoe It's fucking close to water."

"Just once, I want someone to kick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter."

"I wish I could put my whole fucking house in the washing machine."

"I never know what to do with my hands when I'm at a urinal besides flick the earlobes of the guy next to me."

"Since we're doing jokes we made up as kids: What did one lightbulb to say to the other? Watts up?"