221948
Joke of the Day
"Removed all the mirrors from my house because I'm tired of living with that asshole."
Next Joke
"How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door."
"There's a huge party at the orphanage tonight Their parents are gone."
"Me: Why does it take you forever to text me back? *3 hours later* Her: What are you talking about?"
"Can we stop calling it 'Breaking news' and start calling it 'bloody hell what now'"
"Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine."
"Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their Gods lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check."
"Received a call from a recruitment consultant. She said to me: ""Sir I have two openings for you...!"" I replied : Yes. I know There was a long silence and then she said..... bastard"
"BREAKING NEWS: Adrian Peterson has been traded to the Minnesota Twins They needed a switch hitter"
"I hung out with a mushroom today. What a fungi."