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Joke of the Day

"When comedians die, why does everyone tell them to ""make God laugh""? You wouldn't order a dead carpenter to ""make God some bookshelves."""

"What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts? M'rauders Map"

"What did OJ say to Nicole just before he killed her? *Your waiter will be with you in a moment, ma'am*. (was reading an OJ post in another sub and remembered this one.)"

"Why is the magnet on medication? Because it's bipolar"

"I heard my cat walking down the hall because his claws are too long. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot."

"My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, you sounded younger on the phone."

"""We're going to chop off your testicles so we can love you until we decide you need to die."" --pet owners"

"No internet for 11 hours. I've written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce ""gif."""

"What's hardest part about eating bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on."

"The only school shooting I do. Is heroin in math class."