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Joke of the Day

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it."

"Only in America would people violently trample each other for discounts, exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have..."

"The correct response to ""How was your weekend?"" is ""Fine."" If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a shit."

"And God promised men that... Good and obedient wife's would be found in all corners of the world.........Then he made the world round....and laughed and laughed and laughed..."

"What is it about being blind... ...that makes people want to walk their dog so much?"

"Why was the astronaut so sore? He had a buildup of ga-lactic acid."

"you down with ADD? yeah you know me"

"Why are there no gay suicide bombers? They can find millions of virgins just by going on Reddit."

"Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets They do so within groups of 40."

"1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There's no episode where a man asks a woman 'what's wrong?'"