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Joke of the Day

"What goes well with country music? Suicide."

"Had a bad mix up at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card."

"My stomach just made a really weird noise. So I'm just going to send a pizza down to check it out."

"A new energy drink called F5 just came out, It's super refreshing!"

"The day after I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I lost my calendar. My life has been pretty uneventful since."

"Toaster settings: No.1: ""I do nothing."" No.2: ""I do nothing."" No.3: ""I do nothing."" No.4: ""I SET BREAD ON FIRE!"""

"Hey girl, if I could change up the alphabet, I'd replace U with a more interesting character. Since we're on anti-pickup lines today."

"Dating is basically lying to women about how you like to travel."

"How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? One. One to change it and his girlfriend to give him a blowjob when he's done."

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"