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Joke of the Day

"GUY WITH TONS OF BLACKLIGHTS AROUND HIS APARTMENT: Hey come on in! GUY WHO LIKES TO RUB CAT URINE ALL OVER HIMSELF: Ummm. Nah I'm good."

"What's green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table."

"What does Santa listen to while delivering presents? sleigh-er"

"Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals."

"How do you go about picking up a nice Jewish girl? With a broom and a dustpan."

"I can't pull a rabbit out of a hat. But I can pull a hair out of my ass."

"How many dead hookers does it take to fill up a garage I know it isn't 37"

"A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER. When he wakes up he tells the doctor: ""I can't feel my legs!!!"" The doctor replies: ""I know, I cut your arms off."""

"REPORTER: you say you spotted the missing hikers somewhere in these woods CLEARLY A BEAR IN A FLANNEL & AVIATORS: [right on mic] briefly yes"

"A helium atom walks into a bar. The bartender says ""get out, we don't serve your kind here"". The helium atom did not react."