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Joke of the Day

"thought I was watching Twilight for 45 min then I realized I was in an alley watching a dog bark at a dead cat next to some cardboard."

"Our wedding pic looks like my wife's selfie photo bombed by me."

"What's the difference between a woman and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once."

"I wonder if George Michael was a organ donor So he could really give his heart to someone special this Christmas."

"I accidentally slept with a prostitute last night... I thought I was more careful and smart than that, I swear! I typically check the tags on their feet first! :("

"First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely."

"In Jamaica, how do you know if a mango is ripe? Pokemon Go!"

"I'm sick and tired of all the hipsters on /r/Gifs.. They're always saying things like.. ""The video was better""."

"A midget walked into a bar I guess it was set too low."

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire. Necks please!"