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Joke of the Day

"Why was the burger thrown out of the Army? He couldn't pass mustard! (muster)"

"One man's junk is another man's treasure... especially to gay people"

"I held the door open for a Japanese woman today and she said, ""sank you."" Pretty fucked up for her to bring up Pearl Harbor like that."

"GUY: Your logic is flawed. According to experts- ME: Excuse me, but I practiced this argument in my head & you're saying the wrong things"

"Alone floating on a raft in the pool. Asked the neighbor to call my home phone and ask someone to bring me a beer. Work smarter not harder."

"[mall food court] Me: *stomach rumbling* OMG not now Brain: Too bad you hate using public washrooms My White Undies: Sweet baby jesus no"

"""Ed's Plumbing"" Hi I think an engagement ring is stuck in my toilet ""ok when did your lady drop-"" She didn't ""Sir?"" I hid it in her dessert"

"Did you guys hear about the catastrophic genetic flower breeding program that tried to cross an aster and a daisy? It was a dais-aster."

"All of the people complaining about Harriet Tubman being on the new $20 bill... Most likely don't see too many $20 bills."

"Little John discovered his testicles while taking a shower and asked his mother. Johny:""Mom! Are these my brains?"" Mother:"" Not yet Johny"""