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Joke of the Day

"My friend just passed the bar exam. I need lawyer jokes. GO! What can a goose do that a duck can't do that a lawyer won't do? . . . Stick his bill up his ass."

"Which country's currency weighs as much as it's worth? Australia. Because five $0.20 coins are about half a pound."

"I was eating out this girl the other day and there was Horse semen in there and I was like ""Damn,Grandma that is how you died"""

"I never wanted to believe that my father was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"[Interview] CEO: Why do you think you'd be a good fit at our firm? GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:"

"""It meant nothing to me, babe. I swear!"" When my girl catches me in the closet eating Devil's food cake with my bare hands."

"Do they make a Rosetta Stone for women's moods yet?"

"What's the difference between a piano, glue, and a tuna? You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna (What about the glue?) I knew you'd get stuck on that"

"I'm pretty sure I have all of those countless hours spent playing Tetris to thank for my mad dishwasher loading skills."

"Goldfish are the only pets with the decency to die just as the novelty wears off."