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Joke of the Day

"My 3 yr old is so encouraging. I changed my shirt; she says""Daddy, you did it!"" If she finds out I use the potty by myself, she'll flip out."

"Hey girl, are you a compressed file? 'cause I wanna unzip you and open you up."

"Artistic people of Reddit, what is being artistic really like? And can I get fries with that?"

"I'll stop at nothing... ...to avoid using negative numbers."

"Madonna fell while performing at a show yesterday. When asked about it, she said... ""All that time on my back reminded me of the 80's"""

"Nothing says ""I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade"" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom."

"What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk? A dead bird."

"Do you know what happens when gay marriage is legalized? BREAKING NEWS: California's drought is over. Water supply flourishing from the tears of the racist, homophobic, and conservative southerners"

"The inventor of the dissapointing punchline has died His funeral will be held on Thursday at 2pm."

"The police are looking for a racist attacker I phoned them up, but apparently it's not a job offer."