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Joke of the Day

"Give Michael Cera a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he'll be like, ""ewww you have to touch worms? Gross"""

"The difference between a prostitute and drug dealer? A prostitute can wash her crack and resell it."

"oh these 2 bleeding dots on my neck? uhhh no i'm not a vampire, some crazy dude stabbed me with 2 pens. hey can you toss me a bloodweiser ;)"

"NEW study shows that Birthdays are good for your health Statistics show that people who have more birthdays, live the longest!"

"How do cannibals pick up women? With a fork"

"What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground. Except for the eagle."

"I read a story by a pregnant woman on reddit She was having trouble with her pregnancy, and she said she would post an update after it was over. OP delivered."

"Why didn't Hitler participate in the marathon? ... Because he can't finish a race."

"I used to do drugs... ...I still do, but I used to, too."

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wiped."