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Joke of the Day

"I went to see my doctor about my insomnia. Not sure he appreciated me knocking on his door at 3AM."

"Got into a fight with an Egyptian. We were fez to fez."

"Did you guys know you get a full body massage while being embalmed? I can't wait."

"Dear Sir, I am writing this with a heavy heart. Sorry it's so hard to read I should really find a pen"

"Knock Knock Who's there? Oink. Oink Who? Make Up Your Mind...Are You A Pig or an Owl"

"Been playing hide n' seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Werewolf Barbie ...normal doll except under a full moon"

"What Do You Call An Arrogant NASA Employee? A Nas-hole!"

"[judging dog show] DOG: [barks] ME: [ticks clipboard] This one's working fine AUDIENCE MEMBER: You have misunderstood what's required of you"

"I just read an article about the damage cigarettes can do to young children. The first thought that occurred to me was ""What the fuck happened to using ashtrays?!"""