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Joke of the Day

"I tucked my kids in last night and said, ""See you in the morning!"" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise."

"What do you call a bear that is missing all of its teeth?? A Gummy Bear!"

"When life hands you gators, make Gatorade...just kidding-that means life hates you because the gators would totally kill and eat you 1st."

"Planters will be distributing exclusively to airlines. That's just plane nuts."

"Yes I wore a $900 fuchsia southern belle dress to your kid's baptism. When I was your bridesmaid, you said I could always wear it again."

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

"Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night."

"I didn't want to make a scene but not fluffing my wife's pillows should get the point across that I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me"

"8: I'm scared of monsters under my bed Me: You should really be scared of spiders that will lay eggs in your ear 8: MOM! Wife: ZACK!"

"How does a Bee get to work? He catches a buzz."