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Joke of the Day

"Yes I wore a $900 fuchsia southern belle dress to your kid's baptism. When I was your bridesmaid, you said I could always wear it again."

"I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono."

"What does a rich fat Englishman gain? Lots of Pounds."

"If you tell me your kid is 22 months and I buy it a beer, that's on you. That is your bad."

"Space-X just used a multi-stage propellent catapult to send a small group of cattle into low-earth orbit. Its the first heard shot 'round the world."

"What do you get when you cross a Jew with a Chinese person? Cha-Ching"

"How do you clear out a synagogue call the irs"

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend He wiped"

"I don't understand why people are so upset about Harambe I mean, gorillas get shot by white cops all the time."

"My Grandma's church was odd in that they worshipped paintings. Very weird. Every week they would stand up and sing ""How Great Thou Art"""