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Joke of the Day

"My German friend told me to pick him up dry wine. I brought the bottle to his house and he said, ""Thanks, where are the other two?"""

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"CASHIER: [over PA] produce manager to the front pleas- *scuffle noises* ME: IF YOU SELL LETTUCE HEADS WHERE get off me WHERE ARE THE BODIES?"
"A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer."
"What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ? Whale of fortune !"
"I can't wait for turkey dinner tomorrow. I love middle eastern food."
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin: A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
"What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle? **WRONG.** ^... ^or ^^right, ^^^or ^^^^something ^^^^^in ^^^^^^between."
"The baby daddies on 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom should be used to test air bags."
"Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it."
"What do you get when you combine a penis and a potato? A dictator."