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Joke of the Day

"I'd hate to play baseball with the witches from Macbeth. Because I don't like playing baseball with girls."

"I go to the gym religiously. You know, once or twice a year around the holidays."

"I love my wife dearly, but she just used the word ""whatevs"" for the first time, so 17 years. It's been a good run."

"If I was a villain, my weapon would be a fan and a bag of eyelashes for blinding superheroes I'm a villain, don't ask how I get my weapons"

"What did the Chili's waitress say about her kidnapped daughter? I want my baby back, baby back, baby back."

"Fitness tip: It's absolutely crucial to take ""rest days"" when working out so you don't get hurt. I've recently taken over 300 of them."

"It's called mankind because womanmean just sounded too obvious."

"American political party symbols are spot on... Trump is the elephant in the room, and the DNC is full of jackasses!"

"Is that all? ""I wanna stab you."" Huh? ""Cut your throat."" What? ""Drink your blood."" Um. ""Have your baby."" Uh. ""Kidding! I'll have a coke."""

"What's a fireman's favourite drink? Water."