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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: What are you doing? ME: [struggling on floor] Yoga WIFE: At the bottom of the stairs? ME: WIFE: You fell down the stairs ME: Yes"

"We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick."

"What do you call a crow who repairs time pieces? A bird watcher."

"My favourite sexual move is the JFK I splatter all over her face while she screams and tries to get out of the car"

"What's red and has two legs? Half a cat"

"What's a 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period."

"Do you know what the difference is between a joke and a dick? Girls never laugh at my jokes. :-("

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got a suitable living environment for him, a terrarium with a heat lamp, some small rodents, etc."

"*robbers burst into bank* EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UPDOG *bank manager frowns* What's updog? WE'RE ROBBING THIS BANK WHAT'S UP WITH YOU"

"Scotland's Independence David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent. I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know"