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Joke of the Day

"Q: Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? A: ""Oh it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"""

"Interviewer: how do you explain the long gap in your resume? Me: I fell asleep with my face on the spacebar"

"My kids are always accusing me of having a ""favorite child"" which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them."

"Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn't love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed."

"ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license."

"When everything comes your way.. You are in the wrong lane"

"I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say, ""I would do anything for love."" On the back, ""But I won't do that."""

"Well... cats clean themselves... and we *are* out of toilet paper..."

"How did a sexy but unqualified Japanese woman get voted into public office? Erections"

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change it and one to tell her she did a really good job."