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Joke of the Day

"America has deployed a crack team of specialists over to Nigeria to try and find the missing school girls. Britain had sent Stuart Hall, Rolf Harris and Max Clifford."

"[me giving tour of city landmarks] and on your left you'll see a corgi in a bandanahe's not part of the tour but let's go get a closer look"

"I thought my wife was super pissed at me, but it turns out she was only ""disappointed"" in me. Thank God, I definitely dodged a bullet there"

"What do you call a cow with only three legs? A wonky."

"I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat."

"Why did the Nevada skunk cross the state border? To follow the smell of legal dank skunk buds."

"Russell Crowe had an affair with Meg Ryan He's gladiator."

"I just put in new countertops in my kitchen... Granite, they're not marble, but still..."

"What do you call a caveman that goes walkabout? A Meanderthal."

"Each year more people die in bathtub accidents than plane accidents, but any idiot thinking they can fly a bathtub deserves what they get."