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Joke of the Day

"I thought my wife was super pissed at me, but it turns out she was only ""disappointed"" in me. Thank God, I definitely dodged a bullet there"

"The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry."

"How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?"

"There's a fine line between confidence and delusion and I ride that shit like a bear on a unicycle."

"They cooled a man to absolute zero He is 0K."

"I feel like aging is a lot easier for unattractive people."

"Everyone saying ""Poor Steve Nash, he got hurt again"". POOR? That boy making $9,701,000 this year. If he poor, then I'm skinny."

"Chuck Norris does not eat honey, he eats bees."

"Me: I like my coffee like I like my ex-wives. My buddy (rolling his eyes): Hot and black? Me: Bitter."

"I was given MDMA and LSD tonight... What a shit way to start a game of Scrabble."