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Joke of the Day

"What's your spirit animal? ""An eagle. They're so majestic."" MEANWHILE Horse: hey eagle, what's your spirit human Eagle: this guy Dave"

"""Dora"" only rhymes with ""Explorer"" if you're from Long Island, New York"

"What, according to Freud, comes between fear and sex? ...funf."

"You know what the best part of having dyslexia is? I have sex daily"

"Whenever you feel depressed, imagine someone tickling Kristen Stewart."

"A group of midgets were planning to rob a butcher's... But the steaks were just too high."

"There's panic and then there's can't-find-your-tampon-string-panic."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? 0"

"I have sloth-like reflexes ""Don't you mean catlike reflexes?"" [several hours later] No"

"All new Hell's Kitchen tonight. Going to get into the spirit by hanging out in the kitchen and scream at my wife while she cooks dinner."