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Joke of the Day
"Two antennae got married... The ceremony was alright, but the reception was GREAT!"
Next Joke
"Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation"
"A horse walks into a bar The bartender asks ""what do you want?"". The horse, not understanding the English language, takes a shit on the floor and leaves."
"What do you call a shitty band that only plays in the winter? Coldplay."
"DON'T STOP BELIEVING! .....but feel free to be somewhat skeptical from time-to-time"
"What do you call someone who swings both ways? A child, it's a child on a swing you fuckin' sicko; get outta here"
"People keep saying I need to be more assertive Is that okay?"
"Cops are like women. Can't live with them, can't live without them. And they're a bunch of pussies."
"[one month later] Sorry, just got your text. Do you still want to break up?"
"Girl, you remind me of an alarm clock... ...you were a good idea last night but now I just want you to shut the fuck up"