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Joke of the Day

"God: U have to build an ark to save the animals from a tsunami Noah: But you're god, can't you just stop the tsunami God: *loves boats* No"

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"[at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car"
"A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer."
"Wordpress Is Shutting Down? http://www.everydayfails.com/articles/wordpress-is-shutting-down/"
"Thank you to the Spanish public for. .. ...rallying round and providing new headlines."
"When I die, I'm donating my body to the theater department. Any jerk could donate their body to science. I can't wait to be a theater prop."
"All these mean jokes about the Boston Marathon Bombing ... are really crossing the line... too soon?"
"Hey kids, for Halloween, let's go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead! Kids: Church?"
"If you could own the entirety of Bill Gates' fortune or solve world hunger,... what color would your Lamborghini be?"
"What is Stewie Griffin's least favorite Fallout weapon? The Fat Man."