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Joke of the Day

"I tried changing my Facebook profile to the tricolour French flag.... but I preferred the traditional All White French Flag"

"Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I'm reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild."

"[on 1st date] Him: So why is someone as pretty as you single? Me: Single? Who's single? [gets right up in his face] We marry at dawn."

"Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees ? Because they kept droning on and on !"

"Alchoholic invester Is liquidating his assets"

"If your girl says ""Hey guess what!"" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next."

"Photographer with really bad eyesight is the happiest because he doesn't need any lenses to see perfect bokeh."

"How do you get a 90 year old lady to yell fuck? Get another 90 year old to yell ""BINGO!"""

"To the guy who invented zero... Thanks for nothing."

"""How about a scarf?"" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day."