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Joke of the Day

"I never wanted to believe my husband was stealing from his job as a road worker... ...but when I got home all the signs were there."

"*picks up the bagel again* sorry i gotta take this one *leaves office & talks on the bagel for 15 minutes solid*"

"why can't you hear michelle pfeiffer in the bathroom? Because the P is silent."

"Nigel Farage walks into a bar Convinces the patrons to set it on fire, and then leaves."

"What kind of ice cream runs for president? neapolititian"

"Difference between power and stamina? Power is when a man can hang a wet towel over his erect penis. Stamina is to keep the penis erect till the towel dries."

"What do you call an snobbish Mongolian ruler going down the stairs? A condescending Khan descending."

"Rumors. Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs."

"75% of men dont get enough fibre in their diet.. ....tough shit"

"Oil is so cheap nowadays That I have 5 unused bottles of lube"