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Joke of the Day

"My kids are yelling so incoherently at one another it sounds like they're naming IKEA furniture."

"I still eat around bruised parts of fruit like a scared 4-year-old."

"Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid."

"LPT: Never trust anyone who says ""trust me"". Trust me on this."

"I broke up with my girlfriend because I'm pretty religious I'm a Presbyterian, and she was Satan"

"Did you hear about the Mechanic who slept under the car? He wanted to wake up oily in the morning."

"""How'd the date go?"" Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist."

"I was walking down the street one day and saw a young black man carrying a bike... And thought to myself ""is that mine?"" Then I remembered no. Mine's at home doing the dishes."

"What is a duck's favorite drug? Quack (Sorry for wasting your time)"

"What's r/jokes' favorite joke site?"