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Joke of the Day

"If I had a nickel for everytime I was asked for... ...Change, I still wouldn't give it to the homeless guy"

"1- Buy a big padlock. 2- Throw the key into the ocean. 3- Find a stranger with stretched-out earlobes. 4- Attach padlock to earlobe. 5- Run."

"I like my women how I like my wine... ten years old and in my basement."

"*waits until you fall asleep* *tests out his new retractable air horn*"

"What's black and doesn't work? A broken TV.............. racist."

"Two guys walk into a bar.... ...the third ducked."

"How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Frat boys don't screw in lightbulbs; they screw in puddles of vomit."

"Soon be Christmas... WHO SAYS doing Christmas shopping early avoids the crush? Last year, I did mine a full 12 months in advance, and the shops were just as busy as ever."

"How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a shitload of lightbulbs."

"No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery."