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Joke of the Day

"1- Buy a big padlock. 2- Throw the key into the ocean. 3- Find a stranger with stretched-out earlobes. 4- Attach padlock to earlobe. 5- Run."

"my wife is so ungrateful for christmas I got her an electric chair and she won't even sit in it."

"Why does the average person all the sudden become a tomato juice drinking weirdo on an airplane?"

"What do... A grape and a bunny rabbit have in common? They're both purple. Except for the bunny rabbit."

"Knock knock Who's there? Broken pencil Broken pencil who? Nevermind, it's pointless..."

"If a deaf person has to go to court is it still called a hearing?"

"[roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you ""why not"" why would you ""it'll be fine"" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]"

"Why is camping so much fun? It's intense!"

"I put a Justin Bieber's song as my alarm tone and it works wonders cuz I wake up before it goes off so I don't have to listen to that shit."

"What happens when you keep feeding a cow money? You get rich milk."