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Joke of the Day

"If swimming is such great cardio, explain manatees."

"Casual, but fun. Casual butt fun. That extra ""t"" can ruin your night."

"I beat my wife at dominoes last night... She really needs to remember that **I** choose the toppings."

"Clark Kent: Only kryptonite can kill me. Perry: What do you mean? Can't regular things kill you? Clark: Oh shit. Which guy am I right now!?"

"Women like to claim that they are equal to men... Women like to claim that they are equal to men, but women have never successfully oppressed and entire gender."

"You attract more men when you smell like butter, sauteed ham and onions than any expensive perfume."

"You guys know how the toothbrush was invented in the south? Because if it was invented in the north, it would've been called a teethbrush."

"Why doesn't Usain Bolt have a girlfriend? Because he's literally the fastest man on earth (get it cuz sex)"

"What did the surgeon say when the doctor declined going out after work? Suture self!"

"I've been up for 30 seconds and I am already exhausted."