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Joke of the Day

"What did Archimedes exclaim when he discovered his penis floated in water? URETHRA!"

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!"

"How many Blondes does it take to bake chocolate chip cookies? 10....one to bake the cookies, and 9 to peel the M&Ms"

"If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a ""anything for 5 dollars"" ad on Craigslist with your name and number."

"What do my relationships and fat people have in common? They never work out."

"Turns out my date had a lot of pizzazz, not pizzas. I've never been more disappointed."

"Up dawg A man sees a long lost friend he says... 'Up dawg' 'What that?' 'What's what?' 'What's up dawg?' 'Nothing much hbu' '...? Oh hahahahahaha '"

"Exercising when you get older is so important! My granny started walking 5 miles a day when she turned 65. Now she's 92 and we don't know where the hell she is."

"Wow. Those Spaniards are some die hard Ozzy fans.. ..cause they really went off the rails on a crazy train."

"I'm absolutely sick and tired of my wife not cleaning out the coffee machine after she's finished with it. Grounds for divorce."