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Joke of the Day

"Why does ISIS drink instant coffee? Because they hate French press!"

"The bartender says, ""hey we don't serve neutrinos in here!"" A neutrino walks into a bar."

"What did the elephant say to his girlfriend? ""I love you a ton!"""

"[throws wine bottle into vineyard] ""Go, be with your family."""

"Fred: We had a burglary last night and they took everything except the soap and towels. Harry: The dirty crooks."

"Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? A: Nacho Cheese."

"Saying, ""I'm sorry,"" is the same as saying, ""I apologize."" Except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin"

"Drown that bastard! No mercy! Nana please... this is a baptism."

"The body burns a lot of calories digesting food. That's why I eat instead of exercising."

"My condolences for you and your family through this difficult transition is why my wife won't let me send back wedding RSVP cards."