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Joke of the Day

"The MAIN reason why I don't let my Girlfriend play my X-Box!! ... I don't have a girlfriend."

"I still enjoy sex at 40 I live at 44, so it's no distance."

"A horse who got its face blown off in a war walks into a bar Bartender goes ""why the long...oh"". What a dick."

"What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you."

"Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you."

"What's Irish and never comes inside? Patty O'Furniture."

"When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard? Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother."

"What's the difference between a car tyre, and 365 condoms? One's a Goodyear, an the other's a great year."

"Did you hear about the bassist? Did you hear about the bassist that was SO out of tune people noticed?"

"I was so shocked when my girlfriend called me a lazy piece of shit in Walmart the other day that I almost fell off my motorized scooter."