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Joke of the Day

"[Safari] ""Remember, when you're near water beware of wild hippos."" Don't worry, I'm prepared for that. *shows handful of white marbles*"

"I once saw a black man walking down the street carrying a tv... ...And i thought to myself ""huh, that one looks a lot like mine."" Then I remembered mine was at home, shining my shoes."

"Why is England the wettest country? Monarchies have reigned there for centuries."

"Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children."

"You know you're getting old when your decision to sleep with someone is mostly based on the quality of their mattress and pillows."

"(McDonald's bathroom) *pulls away from kissing* You're better than my mirror at home"

"The USA just beat Germany 2-0 Just like the score for the World Wars."

"I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember."

"i'm the girl your mom warned you about... long nails, big eyes, purple tongue, green skin. i'm reptar. i'm reptar from rugrats."

"What does Snoop Dogg have an umbrella for? Fo' Drizzle"