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Joke of the Day

"Recent documents have shown Mussolini was one of biofuels' first advocates, using them extensively in Italy, even for public transport He made the trains run on thyme"

"I used to want to be a banker.... but I lost interest."

"It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos."

"I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon."

"What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow ? Slush puppies !"

"[inventing flies] GOD: make them eat shit ANGEL: got it GOD: make their babies the grossest things in the world ANGEL: ok who hurt you?"

"Uppercuts a horse. Creates the first girrafe."

"[sees girl reading Lord of the Rings] ""Ah I love that book. The way that guy is just [clenches fist] the Lord of all those freakin rings."""

"People whose TL is only quotes from famous people---You do realize you're not a desk calendar, right?"

"My friend asked me if I was hungry... I said no, I'm Austria."