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Joke of the Day

"[inventing flies] GOD: make them eat shit ANGEL: got it GOD: make their babies the grossest things in the world ANGEL: ok who hurt you?"

"Did you hear about the farmer running the illicit sex ring? Apparently it was a pig fucking deal."

"Q: What's red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint."

"My friend asked me to come up with Eleven jokes about The Australian Open. I think Tennis enough."

"Doggy style My wife and I haf sex doggy style last night...She rolled over and played dead, and I sat there and begged for it."

"You don't really know someone until you get ridiculously drunk with them."

"Changing the world. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing herself."

"Why do woman have faces? So you know what cunts yours. I have to get a ratio of woman to man down/up votes for this haha.."

"In case I ever doubted my status as an American, being able to buy girl scout cookies on my way out of the gym was a heady reminder."

"When I get heavier, I am actually easier to pick up. What am I? A woman"