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Joke of the Day

"So a new company just become the official sponsor of the Special Olympics! Downy! Everybody deserves softer uniforms!"

"In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces."

"I purposely did not bring my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store and I have never felt so alive!"

"Interviewer: Can we call your former employer for a reference? Me: Not if you're considering me for the job."

"A British Major is stationed in the desert with his troops..."

"I finally quit smoking because it was bad for my wealth."

"Not to brag, but I can still fit into my high-school girlfriend."

"No, really, you should definitely reblog fifty more versions of that ""Keep Calm and Carry On"" poster."

"I stole a wolf pup from a rundown wildlife refuge. Turns out it was just a Shih Tzu."

"Is there a month between April and June? May be"