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Joke of the Day

"I purposely did not bring my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store and I have never felt so alive!"

"What do lesbian vegetarians eat? Vaggie burgers"

"What's a pirates favorite thing to eat? The booty."

"If 9/11 happened in Vegas, no one would have ever known due to that silly motto."

"I just got a text from a number I don't recognize saying, 'You're an embarrassment of a son'. I've narrowed it down to 2 people."

"My poop very recently stopped being imaginary. Shit just got real."

"What do you say when you cross a donkey and a deer? Dat ass doe"

"In this economy I sometimes have to make tough choices. Like between eating or buy that cover for my iPad."

"Cop: Do you know how fast you were going? Me: I was trying to keep up with traffic. Cop: There`s no traffic. Me: That`s how far behind I am!"

"A Nazi walks into a BAR... Browning automatic rifle"