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Joke of the Day

"I purposely did not bring my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store and I have never felt so alive!"

"Apparently just because I have the ""mind of a child"" I'm not allowed to sit on a Santa's lap. Also it's ""illegal"" to carry a brain around."

"What do you call a wolf you cant find? A where wolf."

"What happens when doughnuts join a sorority? They have to go through the glazing. I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order."

"s/o to parallel lines for keeping that shit platonic and never crossing. they keep a healthy professional work ethic"

"What does Bill Cosby eat for breakfast? Rapefruit"

"Why did the Khmer Rouge smoke weed? Because Pol Pot's followers are called Potheads."

"This guy's shirt said 'blink if you want me' and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM"

"What's a porn stars favorite golf course? The inter course."

"are you the girl who has to type everything said in court? ""yes"" I'm sorry *looks back at prosecutor and answers his question as a dolphin*"