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Joke of the Day

"I scream. You scream. We all scream. ISIS laughs."

"Imagine how much money you could save on vitamins by dying."

"My wife said to me ""If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"" I answered ""Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."""

"Procrastination Paradox... If you come in last in a procrastination contest because you procrastinated, does that make you the best or worst at procrastinating...???"

"In order to prepare for the future, I'm going to practice wearing adult diapers. But only when I'm drinking."

"Afghan shaking a carpet I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"""

"What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion."

"What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? One minds the train the other trains the mind."

"Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other 'I don't like your friend.' The other one replied 'Well put her to one side and just eat the greens.'"