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Joke of the Day

"Prison Guard: ""So you two cons are in love?"" Con1: ""Yes."" Con2: ""It's like we finish each other's..."" *in unison* ""death sentences."""

"My girlfriend really wants to try out some schoolgirl role play. However, I feel really uncomfortable wearing the dress..."

"I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme."

"Trump joke last night... What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election? ""Pardon me"""

"I used to be a plastic surgeon Which raised a few eyebrows."

"What do you call the rabbit up the elephant's sweater ? Terrified !"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month."

"A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, who can fulfill his desires, and who can cook. But most importantly, he must make sure that these women never meet."

"[gets pulled over for speeding] Where's the fire ma'am? *grips lighter* ""I'm not sure yet"""

"Kid: What's a man? Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally , cares about you and protects you. Kid: When i grow up, I'll be a man like mom"